Pro-child, Pro-family, Pro-CHOICE!

I live across the street from a Catholic elementary school. Most of the time I'm glad it's there. In fact, I've often entertained the notion that if I lived here and was raising a child, I might actually send her/him to the Catholic school. Shorter commute, and I venture a guess that the education is by and large better there than in the underfunded, underprivileged public schools in this neighborhood.

Lately, however, I've been about ready to curse the church and its school every time I walk by. Why, you ask? Because of its politics. And the apparent need of its administrators to push their politics on me, and my girlfriend, and everyone that walks past it every single day. Recently as I was walking home from work, a sign had been posted on one of the doors reading "vote pro-life" across a flag background. Over the next several days more signs were added, including another "vote pro-life" at the door around the corner, and one with a large crowd of women and the words "we regret our abortions, do you?" in large letters and links to informational websites/hotlines in smaller letters. Websites and hotlines not for support groups run by trained, educated, certified therapists who specialize in women dealing with issues like grief and guilt/regret after an abortion. No, these "support groups" are groups of church ladies who think they're doing a service to the community by telling a bunch of women that they are horrible sinners, but it's ok because Jesus loves them and forgives their sin. That is, as long as they do penance by voting republican and by converting and convincing other women that abortions (and their bodies) are evil, and maybe even doing some picketing, making a scared young woman's choice even more difficult. Oh, and also they must never "sin" again, or encourage another to "sin". Even if they get raped, or they get pregnant just as their boyfriend dumps them and they lose their job, or the person they're leading to "sin" (aka the abortion clinic) is their 15 year old sister who has a real shot at going to college, as long as she doesn't drop out of high school to have a baby.

Did I mention that the job I was working at was a bar and restaurant in Times Square, and that I came home, alone, each night between the hours of 2 and 5 am? Did I mention that it wouldn't exactly have been shocking for me to be raped on my way home, while reading those informative and educational signs on the Catholic school doors? Or the fact that I find it rude and inappropriate for a celibate man to think he has a right to say anything whatsoever about women and their bodies?

Now, I'm not one to say that there isn't some sort of life process happening in utero. In fact, if you'd like to be technical, sure: there's some sort of life force that pops the egg out of its follicle, and that gets the sperm from penis to egg to fertilize it. I hope some kid from the Catholic school is reading this right now, because that right there is probably the best bit of sex ed they'll ever get. I mean, after all, let's not educate our kids about sex. That way we can pretend they're not getting any and they can get their information about birth control and STDs from their friends and the streets. (Anyone remember hearing that you couldn't get pregnant your first time? Or that you couldn't get STDs from giving head? Or that neither could possibly happen as long as he pulled out before he finished cum-ing?) This way we can ignore the fact that our kids are sexual beings and may actually want to (or do) have sex. Until they get pregnant. That is, if they're female. Otherwise keep on pretending. You don't know if it's your son's, that little hussy! And once your daughter's pregnant, well, she's got two choices, right? Be a teen mom, or . . . or . . . or . . . or get an abortion and pretend it never happened and feel guilty the rest of her life . . . right?

Well, I'm not gonna lie, I'd have to say I think there are always three choices in the matter. Sure, you can be a teen mom. And I'm not shy to admit that there are definitely good moms out there who started when they were teens (or otherwise unprepared/indisposed to be moms). Consistent among these special young women is the fact that they have given up their right to youth, dreams, and personal goals to become a provider for the child they hadn't prepared for.

Not ready to give up your dream of backpacking all over Europe and being an exchange student in Thailand before heading to law school? Option number 2: carry the baby for 9 months, and then give it up for adoption. As we, the American public learned recently with unprecedented wit and sarcasm (think surprise mega-hit Juno and the fabulous Ellen Page), adoption can be a very rewarding process for all involved. In fact, in today's day and age, adoption options are almost unlimited. You can have a completely closed and anonymous adoption, aka the "old school" kind. You endure nine months of pregnancy, then before you can touch the baby, some woman from an agency takes the baby away and hands it to its adoptive parents. Neither of you ever see each other, all of you resent each other, and some day the kid hates both parties: you for giving her/him up, and the adoptive parents for "lying" and saying they were her/his parents when they new s/he didn't come from their very own eggs and sperm. But if you're lucky you can have a tear filled reunion in 18 years or more. If you're not so into old school "closed" adoption, you can actually participate in an "open" adoption. Open adoptions can be fairly closed, where you and the birth parents have met, and shaken hands, and exchanged email addresses, at which they send you a couple of pictures over the next few decades, or they can be extremely open. We're talking adoptive mom and dad being your Lamaze partners and you becoming in some sense part of the family. As long as you respect your role as "birth mother" and no more. Or maybe you want something in between. No prob. Adoptions can take many forms these days.

But maybe you aren't ready to raise a kid, but you know that nine months in your body, and you're not going to be able to give it up. Maybe even nine months is too long. Maybe the physical and emotional strain of even embarking on a pregnancy is inconceivable right now. You still have options. Abortion. Perhaps you'll go for the old school vacuum cleaner. Or the inject a burning poison method. Maybe you're lucky enough to catch it in the first 72 hours and you can take the Morning After pill, bringing on the worst, most horrible period of your life.

I know what you're thinking: Janet, I thought you were pro-CHOICE! Why be so harsh about what an abortion is and how horrible it is?!! Then women will never want one!

True. The truth about abortion is awful. At least legal abortion is better than throwing yourself down the stairs. But I tell you what, I'd do anything for a bit of the herbal knowledge that ancient midwives had. Women have been aborting unwanted pregnancies for centuries. Only in our westernized, Christianized, body and woman hating, sex-phobic culture do we submit women to the tortures of clinical, medical, western abortion. And some people even want to take that away?! Why? So that women will revert to the 1950s method of going to a "doctor" in a back alley with a dirty knife and a coat hanger?

My point is this: abortion sucks. But sometimes it's the best option out of a mess of bad options. And if it's never comfortable, but always painful (both physically and psychologically), shouldn't we instead support our sisters in their endeavors to better their lives and the homes into which they might eventually bring any unborn children? I should know. I've been there.

~ Janet