Apologize and Move On

Back in 1998 I fell in love with an Ani Difranco song called, "As Is." I never imagined that it would have such a big impact on me presently. Most of you know why I started this blog, but if you're new to S.A.N., I began this blog in hopes to bring knowledge and action to tough issues that don't get enough attention. The issue that started it off for me was domestic abuse. I periodically tell a story of my situation and in turn hope it inspires others to get out of abused relationships, or help those in need of support.

Now, once you're out of an abusive relationship its supposed to be better, right? In some sense yes, absolutely, but what if you share custody of your child and you still have to face your abuser everyday!? More than often this is the case in many divorces and ended relationships. Sometimes I would like to believe that life would be so much easier if the person who caused such harm in these situations, would just apologize and move on! After all, there are many ex-couples that can still be civil towards each other and successfully work together in raising children.

"As Is" has lyrics that address situations like that, and I would like to share them with you:

You can't hide behind social graces
so don't try to be all touchy feely
cuz you lie, in my face of all places
but I've got no problem with that really

What bugs me is that you believe what you're saying
What bothers me is that you don't know how you feel
What scares me is that while you're telling me stories
You actually believe that they are real

And I've got no illusions about you
and guess what? I never did
and when I said, when I said I'll take it
I meant, I meant as is

Just give up and admit you're an asshole
You would be in some good company
I think you'd find that your friends would forgive you
or maybe I am just speaking for me

Cuz when I look around
I think this, this is good enough
and I try to laugh, at whatever life brings
cuz when I look down, I just miss all the good stuff
When I look up I just trip over things

You can't hide behind social graces
cuz I don't buy it, like everyone else
and you can lie in my face of all places
just don't lie to yourself

Apologize and move on, it sounds simple enough, so why doesn't it happen? I'm not a D.V. counselor, but if I had to give an answer it would be this: I think it has to do with being in the need for control, abusers feel too insecure and incredibly guilty. I believe by not accepting their faults they worsen the situation and continue to act out.

It's never too late to act like a decent human being.