There is always something to talk about, but I'm finding it hard to really talk about what's been on my mind lately. For the past few weeks, child abuse has been smacking me in the face. There have been many times when I was going to discuss it on this blog, I'm not sure what has been keeping me back. I, myself, have been fortunate enough to not have been a victim of child abuse, but I have been a witness to it.
There have been many times when I have witnessed erratic behavior from my abusive uncle. The following story has always left a imprint in my memory: I remember my cousin escaping his home and coming to my parent's house for shelter. I remember it so well. My mom picked me up from school, and just as we were pulling in the driveway, my dad told us that my cousin was waiting for my mom inside. I recall him standing on top of the stairs, trying to hold back his tears. My mother quickly whisked him away into her bedroom to have a confidential talk. My parents took pictures of his bruises. He stayed at our house for some time, and would hop around to other relatives' homes.
That's the first time I witnessed physical abuse... I've been witnessing more psychological and verbal abuse as the years go by... hence why I started this whole blog to begin with. It was to bring awareness to domestic violence and to do something about it! I was tired of people not caring or not doing anything and since I'm not a writer, I turned to art to help educate and promote discussion.
I have found a blog that's called "Artist Constellation." It's an amazing site started by an artist, who survived seventeen years of incest and abuse, who then had to live another ten years in silence before she went to see a therapist who could help her. She has such expressive artwork depicting her pain, her thoughts, her abuser etc. I find myself keep going back to see how artwork has helped her, not to mention the fact that she is very brave to tell her stories on the internet. I almost feel as though, people who read her blog and talk about it, are part of the therapeutic process. Breaking the silence, is so important.
So tell me, what are you going to do to stop the abuse or break the silence?
Welcome to the Stop Apathy Now (S.A.N.) Page
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Breaking the Silence: Child Abuse
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8 comments:
it's so hard that abuse which isn't physical doesn't get acknowledged! i can't take that any more!!
I have been fortunate enough to be able to make a difference in the lives of several friends who had been victimized earlier in life. Three come readily to mind. The first was a young woman who initially sought my advice regarding her feelings for her best friend. In the course of an online conversation, she revealed that she had blocked all memories from the age of 6 till her early teens as a result of being sexually abused by an adult relative. Being able to discuss the matters with someone who was non-judgmental and supportive helped her to come to terms with her life, and she is currently involved in a LTR of many years duration. After hearing of the abuse, I wrote a song for her, which I recorded and sent to her in a cassette. She said it had a healing effect.
The second incident involved another young woman whom I met on the Indigo Girls music discussion list, who was also dealing with some coming out issues. She, too, had been sexually abused for a number of years, starting around the age of 10, by the (considerably older) son of her mother's best friend. Her emotional pain had fostered substance abuse, and I was greatly concerned about her well-being. One particular incident triggered a song, which she credited with motivating her to turn her life around.
The third case was a troubled woman who was referred to me by a friend who was aware of my earlier successes. After an introductory exchange of emails, it turned out that she felt trapped in a physically and verbally abusive relationship because she feared the economic consequences that a breakup would have for her and her young daughter. As in the other instances, in addition to offering advice based on my own life experiences, I was moved to write a song, whose lyrics I sent to her in an email. After a few more exchanges, we lost contact for a period of several months. Then one morning, she contacted me via IMs with the news that the song had moved her to take action, and that she had just completed a paramedics course and had ended the abusive relationship.
In all three cases, the words and music came from another place, and I was just there to write them down. The key elements were trust and caring; the rest was a gift from the cosmos...
Mental abuse is often more distressing than physical. It needs to be acknowledged and dealt with always.
I owe my life to so many good people, friends and almost-strangers, who have listened to my story and supported me. The world changes when we listen and then spread awareness. Thanks for writing about this hard subject.
Hello,
Just wanted to drop by and say that I like your blog a lot.
My older brother was physically abused by my father when I was younger. I was only in elementary school or younger, so I don't remember it very much. But my brother always took the most punishment. I don't know why but I was always the favorite. Even after my dad left us I am still my mom's favorite. I know my brother doesn't talk about it much, but he has this mean streak. At times, he gets angry and he's often apathetic about things. Sometimes he makes me really angry, but I just think about what he has been through that I don't know about, and I just feel sad for him.
Thank you all for your support and stories on this subject. What is important to remember is that we need to keep making it public. Abuse and violence prevail when everything has been kept silent. I will post later a song I wrote called "Silent Witness." I think many of you who haven't been a victim of abuse can at least relate to the song of being a friend or close family member of someone who is or has been abused.
c-squared,
your brother's unresolved feelings from being abused is why it's so often the case that the abused become abusers.
if you ever get a chance to talk to him about it, you might mention the idea of therapy. he's been through a lot! and despite the stigma that seeking therapy has in our society, it might greatly help his chances of having an ultimately happy life, and of not becoming an abuser himself!
in fact, despite the fact that you haven't experienced the brunt of the abuse, you might look into therapy to deal with your own experience of having grown up in that situation.
I have experienced sexual and psychological abuse myself, and years later i'm finally seeking therapy to improve the quality of my life.
thanks for your support and input, and good luck!
When will people learn that abuse in any form is unacceptable.
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