Time to Bring Back Smokey Bear!

Unbelievable! It was just announced that the big California forest fire was started from a little boy playing with matches (click here for full story). One little spark set off fierce uncontrollable flames for days forcing thousands to abandon their homes and businesses.

I remember as a child being petrified of fire. When I was young, there were "fire prevention weeks" or visits to the fire department. In addition there were many commercials of potential kitchen fires and "Smokey Bear." Smokey was the cartoon camper who coined the phrase, "Only you can prevent forest fires!" I couldn't escape the fact that I could potentially start a fire, or die in a fire someone else began.

Now that I am an adult, I have turned into this crazy neurotic person when it comes to fire prevention. I must know what is on the stove, or if the toaster is unplugged. Can anybody else relate? What can we do to help the younger generation? Perhaps it would be a great idea to bring back the commercials of fire prevention. The U.S. is a very visual country and I'm sure that since most 30 sec commercials are louder and more stimulating than the actual scheduled program being featured, that the message of fire education will come through clearly. How about talking to children about fire prevention at home and school. How about putting matches in places only adults can get to so there is no longer a temptation. Any other bright ideas? If so, please leave a comment, for we can not, as species of this world lose any more natural resources.

November Topics

My mind has been on domestic violence a lot. Today I applied for a job at a local shelter and I'm quite nervous about it. I never really did any kind of "social work" before. I have experience in domestic violence but not what these employers might think as relevant work related experience. I'm afraid I could turn out really drained and angry at the end of the day. Living with my sister was very draining and I'm sure at one point I should have went to therapy but I hate talking to a stranger. I have a hard time trusting and opening up to someone. I took therapy into my own hands. I made up songs about situations I was going through. I got involved in projects that dealt with healing oneself and others through applied arts. Am I an angry person today? Yes I am, and it's not because I'm bitter or holding grudges, it is simply because I CARE so DAMN much. It is the sole reason why I started this blog. To see if there are other caring souls out there in this crazy violent apathetic world.

Has anybody seen the film "Hotel Rwanda?" It was the first time that I realized I knew very little about was going on with the rest of the world. Sure, I knew there were wars about natural resources, nuclear testing issues, global warming and hunger, but sadly, I was unaware of the -dare I say it - Modern Holocaust. It was a race war on two counts: White Americans had to leave the hotel because of increased tensions of the surrounding territory and that in turn left behind a civil war between two tribes, with no one on the outside world desiring to help out innocent victims who were murdered because of their ethnic background. Needless to say, it was a very disturbing movie that definitely effected me.

I think for November I want to discuss topics about getting involved in one's community. I'm going to have to start small though. The whole "act locally, effects globally" kind of deal. Possible ideas are food drives, recycling bottle drives, volunteering at charity. Anybody out there that might have a suggestion, please leave a comment.

Thanks!

20/20 and Oprah Domestic Violence Video

This segment is about 21 minutes long and I do hope you all take some time to watch it. As you can see from the video, physical abuse often develops over time after the victim has been subjected to verbal and psychological attacks. Also as stated before in my other posts that informing others, keeping journals, and getting anything on the record that shows signs of abuse vastly improves your chances of survival in the court room.

Get Loud, Get Active, Get Angry!
A.J.

Protective Steps to Take When In an Abusive Situation

There are many things you can do to protect yourself when in an abusive situation. First, and foremost, you must be prepared to leave your relationship. These are only temporary survival tactics. In no particular order here is the list:

1) Anytime you look up info on crisis shelters, emergency numbers, therapists, lawyers etc. be sure to cover your tracks. Do not tell your abusive partner where you are going and be sure to delete all "history" and "cookies" in your web browser. Your abuser is all about controlling you!

2) Hide emergency money! Tape money to the top of desk drawer, in the freezer, behind the dresser, wherever your think your abuser might not think of.

3) Money is a big control issue! Make sure you have your own personal savings/checking account. If you have a joint account, do not put any more money into that account! Try to cancel joint credit cards - this can be difficult because the companies may need you and your partner to consent the action.

4) Come up with a secret code with friends you trust. If your abuser is around and you feel intimidated, call one of you friends and state something like, "Can I borrow some brown sugar?" Your friend will know that's a secret code for "come keep me company", "pick me up," or "call the police."

5) Eventually you will get divorced or separated and there could be a possibility that your case can not be settled out of court. You need to be prepared that your case could go to trial. Here are some tips: get a good lawyer, make you sure have eye witnesses with you and around your abuser, carry around a tape recorder, if you have a camcorder use that as well, check out the ethics of using spyware programs with your lawyer, and write a journal, you would be surprised how that can help turn a case around!

6) I am strongly against the victim to participate in marriage counseling or joint counseling with the abuser. It has been researched and proven that this approach does not work and it will make the situation worse. I do recommend the victim getting separate counseling, just not with his/her abuser.

Remember lawyers are very apathetic people, so if you show up as though you lost your case or come equipped with a "whatever" attitude, they certainly won't try their hardest to represent you. If you come in with a strong attitude, you can get your lawyer fired up ready to represent you. This is very important! You should definitely consider going to a therapist to help grow back your self worth and self-esteem before and after going to court. The process can be very draining!

Artwork by JMV Illustrations

Are You a Victim of Domestic Abuse? Take the Quick Survey!

If you think that you may be a victim of domestic abuse, I recommend that you use the following questionnaire as guidance.

Does your partner...
1) Call you names or fight with you in front of family or friends?

2) Behave in an overprotective manner or become extremely jealous or accuses you of being overly jealous?

3) Threaten to hurt you, your children, pets (ie: kicks cages, tips food over etc), family members, friends, or him/herself?

4) Prevent you from seeing family or friends?

5) Suddenly get angry or lose his/her temper?

6) Destroy personal property?

7) Deny you access to family assets like bank accounts, credit cards, and cars?

8) Overspends on purpose on your accounts and credit cards?

9) Hit, punch, slap, kick, shove, or bite you?

10) Cheat and lie: try to make excuses how you don't measure up, compares you to others?

11) Force you to have sex (yes this happens in all types of relationships)?

12) Harass you at work?

13) Use intimidation or manipulation to control you or your children?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you, unfortunately may be in an abusive relationship. The good news is that there are shelters, therapists and protective measures that you can take yourself to get out of these abusive situations. I have posted previously on steps to take when YOU ARE READY to leave the relationship. There are resources all over this site for you to read and to consider taking action on your life.

Art by Elka Kazmierczak

Kate and Allie are back! Now Why Can't There Be Civil Unions?

During the 1980's there was a show that aired for six seasons called Kate and Allie. The show starred two divorce women reuniting after their marriages had ended and created a new unconventional family. The background info on this series can be found here and the WE network is now airing reruns of the 80's show. This television series had me wondering about my future.

I would like to discuss how these two single parents living together and taking part in each other's lives are no different than a gay couple. Even though these two characters have amazing chemistry, I am not saying that they are lesbians. I do find their commitment to each other paralleling a gay/lesbian relationship though. Kate and Allie, bicker, make decisions together, distribute house chores, and interact with each other's children as a couple. My partner and I do all those things that Kate and Allie do, albeit we don't have any children at the moment, but we do live together as though we were "married."

Which brings me to this Civil Union subject. I find the term "married" a little unsettling. The term "Marriage" is a religious term that is being used by the U.S. government and it's insulting because my country was established as keeping religion and state as separate issues. This isn't the case for marriage though. Marriages are only granted to heterosexual couples because they are not living immorally (think Britney Spears & K-Fed, Michael Jackson & Lisa Marie Presley, you get the idea, right?). Recent studies have shown that one in ten people are gay. If this is the case, then how are gay people living an immoral life when they are just being themselves and not harming anyone? The "immoral card" has to be thrown out, it just doesn't make any sense to withhold rights that privileged others can have. I'm also sick of extreme fundamentalists saying that gay marriage is a "slippery slope to bestiality." Really?! Let me ask you this: Can your pet cat, dog, rabbit, or whatever make medical decisions for or with their partner? I didn't think so, and that's what the majority of us "queers" want, basic human rights. Feel free to judge me all you want, but don't you dare take away my rights. So how hard is it to establish Civil Unions in all the U.S. States? In my opinion it shouldn't be hard at all! Everyone, should be entitled to a Civil Union in the U.S. People who want marriages, can have marriages through their churches, but in writing, for the U.S. it should officially be called a Civil Union. Many straight couples are married through the Justice of the Peace. What's so hard to change the name? I'm not asking to be married through a church, in fact I don't want that! I'm not going to force a certain religious order to accept me. I just want my basic rights as a citizen of this country!

I could just keep going on and on about this subject, but I feel it is rather important for me to move on to the next issue that I find important for the public to hear. I will revisit "Human Rights" and "Civil Unions" later on though.

Blog Action Day - Global Warming

Today is Blog Action Day-one day, one issue. The issue would be our environment. Global Warming is becoming increasingly dangerous. Melting glaciers, floods, huricanes, twisters, blizzards, tsunamis, etc. are happening a lot more often than they used to and its all due to how humans abuse their resources. There are many skeptics out there who don't believe in Global Warming, but I do. The last few years I have witnessed devastating storms all over our planet. Last October, Buffalo suffered a huge blizzard. This was abnormal because Western NY was experiencing warm temperatures and no one, not even the trees were prepared for a snow storm. During the storm, tree limbs were falling all over the place cutting down power lines creating a city black out for about two weeks.

I recommend people watching the movie called, "An Inconvenient Truth." It was an amazing film that captured Al Gore's environmental research. Truly if you haven't seen it yet, please rent it! Even though I already knew a little about Global Warming, this film really delve into the history and statistics of this issue.
Enjoy!

Get Loud, Get Active, Get Angry!
~A.J.

It is also National Coming Out Month (NCOM)

Happy NCOM! I remember a while back when I was working as a telespecialist in Buffalo, NY that I came out to my call manager. As much as being a saleperson on the phone sucked, coming out as a lesbian and being supported by my peers made the whole tele experience less dreadful. After the whole "phone" experience I was a graphic designer for some time.

The graphic job itself wasn't that bad (except for the minimum creativity involved), however not coming out to my workers for fear that I could be fired made the experience painful. The atmosphere was a lot different from my previous job. There were many ignorant people who would often use the words "faggot" and "queer." Needless to say it was ridiculous and it didn't make me feel comfortable enough to say, "Um, by the way I'm gay please curb your language a bit." It wasn't your typical office, with certain workplace rules to protect your rights. Well, by not coming out to my co-workers, I refrained them from getting to know me. Because I just kept to myself for four years, they were becoming increasingly curious about my personal life. They ended up finding me online a few years later (thanks myspace). Yup, they found my personal myspace page and read all about me. I forgot to put my page on private, so the fact that I was gay was right out in the open. The funny thing about all of this is that I'm what you call a "10 footer" (a woman you can tell is a lesbian from about 10 feet away). I guess they just wanted confirmation, I guess they just wanted ANYTHING about me. Why couldn't they just ask? I kept a wall up because they made me uncomfortable and they just wanted to get to know more about me without realizing they were indirectly insulting me. I should mention though that when it was getting closer for me to move out of Buffalo, I started opening up and talking more about my partner. Talking about my future life (moving to NYC) with my partner was enjoyable and a relief at that the same time.

After experiencing, what it was like not to be "out" at the workplace, I have decided never to do that again. It just wasn't worth it. Everyone has their exceptions, but for me, my personal decision is to not hide that part of myself again. Being depressed at my job greatly affected my job efforts. I congratulate those who are out and I hope those who are not to reconsider, but the choice is yours.

Get Loud, Get Active, Get Angry!
~A.J.

Art of Survival!

The illustration on the left is called "Mother and Child." I submitted this piece to a book called "Art of Survival: Women, Healing, and the Arts." It was a booklet that contained many pictures, artworks, poems and stories of women who were survivors/witnesses of some form of abuse.

I picked up the summary from the editor Elka Kazmierczak (elkadesigns.com) at amazon.com

Please read:

This publication focuses on art as a source of self-knowledge and transformation for women at large and for survivors of abuse in particular. It gathers humanist essays, poetry, and seventy-two works of art, bringing together five disciplines: philosophy, visual studies, art history and criticism, women's studies, and counseling. It emphasizes the views that life and human sensitivity fuel art and that those searching for meanings in their lives find them and ways to express them through art. This volume reflects on art as experience. It grounds art making in the lived experiences of women. It ponders the universal role of art making and self-reflection in the well being of the human spirit, while the art works reveal the particular experiences of women artists and survivors of abuse. In summary, this publication is not about objects of art, but about their makers. It does not present an overview of contemporary art, but it presents women's thoughts about their works. It is about creativity and power of the human spirit to endure and to survive. This publication leads from general to particular, from universal to personal and from broad social problems to individual struggles. It begins with an essay on the role of community and art making in the well-being of individuals. It is followed by an essay on how we make sense of life and what a creative process involves. An essay about quilts shows us that throughout history quilts have been powerful ways of personal storytelling and a creative outlet for women. There are two essays by counselors who work with survivors of violence and trauma. One reflects on the broad social context of abuse of women. The other tells personal stories that demonstrate the effectiveness of art making in healing. Another essay offers a walk-through works by one artist, interpreting them from a feminist perspective. The volume concludes with a list of warning signs of abusive behavior. I hope this publication will enable readers to see themselves in the constructive light of human creativity.

It's an amazing read and I recommend survivors, shelters, therapists, and anybody interested in seeing art created through personal tragedies or accomplishments to pick up this book!

Artwork by JMV Illustrations

Purple Ribbon Time!

I have to be honest and say that I didn't know that October was Domestic Violence Awareness Month, but here I am starting up two blogs about it, how fitting! DV Awareness Month is represented by wearing a purple ribbon. The history of the purple ribbon can be seen at this site:

• Purple Ribbon

Please show your support and wear this ribbon, and encourage survivors and victims to speak up! Remember: Domestic Violence Feeds On Silence!

Get Loud, Get Active, Get Angry!
~A.J.